Hotter Than Heathcliff: Romantic Hair for Valentine’s Day
There are forces in this world simply too powerful to be subdued: British weather, the pangs of doomed romance and a man’s hair when left to its own devices.
Literature has long warned us of this peril. Cinema is about to do so again.
This Valentine’s season, the cultural barometer swings once more towards “Wuthering Heights”, Emily Brontë’s masterwork of longing, loss and people behaving rather badly in what promise to be gloriously outlandish costumes.
With Emerald Fennell’s forthcoming adaptation blowing onto screens just in time for Valentine’s Day (on 13th February), Heathcliff returns. And not merely as a literary titan of tortured love, but as a hair icon for the times.
For what magnificent hair it is!
Heathcliff’s Hair: A tempest of tonsorial talent
This time, the mantle of brooding romantic is worn by Jacob Elordi, whose interpretation of Heathcliff strides in with an outgrown, artfully managed mullet, suggesting emotional turmoil, midnight gallops and a studied indifference to salon etiquette. Flanked by mutton chops of such magnificence one suspects genetics, witchcraft or, indeed, a truly splendid Hair & Make-Up Department.
For this coiffure has really lived, gripped by the gales of the North Yorkshire moors, by tempests of torment and by no small tonsorial talent.
Out on the wild and windy moors…
Let us be frank: the windswept moors play havoc with one’s follicles. Untamed, they lead swiftly from Byronic hero to unnerving lunatic dashing his head against a tree trunk (hey, it’s in the book, chums, blame my old chum Emily B!). The difference, dear reader, lies in preparation.
The modern gentleman understands that romance must appear accidental, spontaneous, a veritable coup de foudre, while in fact being anything but. Heathcliff’s hair may look as though it has been sculpted by passion alone, but behind every great storm there lives a little structure. Or, indeed, Sea Salt Spray.
From Windswept to Well-Appointed: A gentleman’s method
First, make acquaintance with the wind…
Begin with damp hair and introduce Sea Salt Spray, the grooming equivalent of throwing open the window to let the elements have their moment. This creates movement, texture and the compelling attraction of having just blown in from somewhere wild and dramatic.
Allow the hair to air-dry. Heathcliff never used a hairdryer, and neither (ideally) should you.
Now, lend it some authority
Once dry, apply Hair Powder at the roots. And lo! Civilisation begins to reassert itself. Lift, volume and shape appear without fuss, giving longer styles, including grown-out mod mullets, the confidence to behave.
Finally, cultivate a passion for Pomade
Perchance your finishing product says more about you than your library:
Clay Pomade: Matte, touchable and forgiving. Ideal for romantics, poets, and lovers who long for their hair to be raked through by hands…not necessarily their own. I say!
Putty Pomade: Still rugged, but a little sharper. For men who smoulder more than they sigh. Heathcliff was rocking thepoet aesthetic, long before it had a name.
Apply sparingly. Excess enthusiasm is rarely seductive.
The Director’s Cut: Romantic hair for the Modern Man
Like certain hair-styles, some stories refuse to fade.
The mood this Valentine’s is gothic Romance writ large. Hair worn with passion, a veritable visual treat, with a somewhat liberal approach to the source material. This is storybook hair for real life gentlemen. Simply effortless in appearance, yet meticulously directed behind the scenes.
Captain Fawcett’s ‘Hair Couture’ styling collection.
Award-winning grooming and a perfect grasp of one’s own better angles.
The rest writes itself.
PS. As an interesting aside. Once upon a time, way back when, the RHM had occasion to work alongside Ralph Fiennes & the delightful Juliette Binoche who incidentally congratulated him on the recording of her franglais representation of Cathy, on the 1992 movie version of ‘Wuthering Heights’! However I digress…
